The Quest for Odd Places Begins…

13 Feb

Okay, dahlinks. I have vonted to come to visit you blog for quite some time now, but that Dena *turns aside and mutters something about a silly name* was just barring up my creativity. But! Here I am! *flaunts feather boa and cigarette on a long filter*

I have come to tell you about von of my favorite zitis *interrupted by laughter* Vhat. Vhat ah you laughing at? *Dena leans in to mention that ziti is a pasta, not a place*

*looking affronted* Te Toi, you leetle flower person vith the silly name. I am Travelling Trina! I have my own show! I am vorld-reknowned!

*crowd looks over to a kid with a cereal box cut up with paper towel tubes taped here and there to look like a video camera, holding a flashlight over his head. He peeps out from behind the cereal box with his hangbang and shrugs. A few, more serious stragglers shake their heads and return their attention to Trina, sputtering giggles*

Now. I am here to tell you vhat you should do when you visit Savannah, Georgia. She ees a small town, but she ees packed full of fun things to do!

1. You simply must, vith no exceptions, go to River Street. This street is packed full of knick-knaks and fortune telling and shopping and food and travelling minstrels and you cannot imagine the sweets! Fudge and caramel and brownies and every leetle fattening thing you can think of is down that street. Plus eet ees home to my favorite place, Wet Willie’s. I go there and zing Patsy Cline to the leetle people on their Karaoke machine and drink lots of daquiri’s.

2. You have to go to City Market, dahlinks! Art galleries, more shopping, bars, music and pizza! Yes, yes, even the beautiful Trina loves pizza. Vinnie Van Go Go’s is to DIE for! I almost did once and it was completely worth it.

3. Tybee Island. Who doesn’t love beetches, dahlinks? *another corrective interruption* Zat’s vhat I said. Beaches.

4. The Crab Shack. They say the Elite eat in their Bare Feet there, but I just had to wear shoes. It was out in the open on a deck near the vater, dear, and there ver leetle crabs running around! They serve this wonderful thing called Low Country Boil and they play Jeemy Boofet over the speakers all ze time. He’s a nice man. I dated him once, but he was more interested in leetle hula girls, the leetle grass-covered booty-swatting beasts. Bah! *she recovers from an obvious show of temper*

5. The Vorld-reknowned — like me, no? — Bonaventure Cemetery. Some of the most beautiful sculptures are there in the older section and they actually have tour buses that go through! Can you imagine? Even the living are dying to get in! *laughs cacklingly at her horrid pun*

Vell, that’s eet for now, dahlinks. Trina must run to another ziti and have fun and drink and dance and make merry vith the local men -however tribal they seem to be on the dance floor.

tahtah!

*the crowd sighs relief as a woman who looked alot like Lola Buzzard from Queer Duck, but sounded like Edna Mode from the Incredibles finally leaves*

Okay! Tell me things to do in your home town! Or wherever you live, for that matter. What’s the coolest thing to do there?

 

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