Idiot Vendor Gives Vulgar Tribute to Royal Wedding

29 Jan

Souvenir condoms! Can you believe it? People will do anything for money, won’t they?  This is just sad.

“Like a royal wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion”

What?

Presented in regal-looking purple and gold, each pack bears a picture of the couple gazing into each other’s eyes, saying it contains a “triumvirate of regal prophylactics”, which are “lavishly lubed” and “regally ribbed”. Combining the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure.”

OMGWTF.

Who comes up with these things?  Do they have a conscience?  Do they sleep in tiger striped velour sheets and neon green latex underwear?

Okay, the underwear doesn’t sound too bad but the velour does.  And maybe if you throw in some body hair, a few gold chains, some late 70’s porn music and a metallic purple, low-riding shag-wagon (I’ve seen it, it exists {or should I say, sex-ists!}).

Are they going to send a box to Kate and Will gratis for their honeymoon so the next royal family member doesn’t come along too soon?

*gag*

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